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Erin Burnett, Volodymyr Zelensky Star in the Pas De Deux From ‘Swoon Lake’ – HotAir

This will move you to tears. I’m sure of it. I immediately thought of those big bullets you see on movie posters:

It was so thrilling, it made my leg quiver!’

The raw emotions were overpowering!”

YOU MUST SEE THIS! IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I will never look at olive green the same.”

Burnett was luminous, Volodymyr smoldered like a freshly tamped blueberry Swisher Sweet…

The stars of this production probably deserve a short introduction as at least one of them may be unrecognizable. 

The lead actress is supposed to be a journalist for CNN. Her name is Erin Burnett, and she’s normally a bit on the cranky side – all scrunched-faced, scowling, and “tool of Putin!” 

Orange Man Bad/MAGA MAGA MAGA-ish.

Here, she is blowing a gasket about Tucker Carlson interviewing a world leader, arched Disney villainess brows and all.

How arrogantly she scoffs and denigrates.

“…Look at them talking about him like a celebrity…Everything he does on camera breathlessly repeated!…”

By God, that’s a journalist. She has no time for hero worship or tooling of Putins…or anyone else for that matter.

The other principal dancer in this limited engagement is one smoldering Volodymyr Zelensky. He, the eternal fatigue-wearing president of the Republic of Ukraine, has been the subject of many an unrequited bromance among international celebrities. Quite a few women have also been smitten in the smoldering Slav’s presence.

Who can resist a man in uniform?

GAH-RRROOOWWLLLLL

So it came to pass that tough, scowly pants, MAGA-hating journalist Erin Burnett had her shot at the taciturn man with the gorgeous accent when he does speak.

There was no danger – she scoffs at “breathless” and “celebrity,” remember? So she took it.

A walk in the park with the Man from Kiev…and then the magic happens.

 “As a human being, so many people look up to you, rely on you. No one can imagine how hard that is. Do you…do you do anything for yourself?

Um…WHUT?

Honestly, watching her – her gestures, her face – as she asks him this, I almost hear it in my head as a Barbara Cartland romance novel from the 70s. Cartland was a hugely popular, but notoriously gushy gooey writer who made extensive use of three-period pauses throughout all of her dialogue sequences. Astonishingly enough, that’s what Miss Breathless (journalist – sorry) is doing here in what’s supposed to be a news interview. 

I’m reading it as:

Erin watched his sensitive face intensely as they walked, side-by-side. This man…this strong, silent man, had been through such tremendous travails, and yet…here he was. So close, she could feel the heat from the skin-tight olive t-sheet painted on his muscular chest.

She averted her eyes for a moment, and then cast them back at him.

“Do you…” she whispered…”Do you ever…take time for…yourself?”

Amazed at her own temerity, she dropped her lashes as a blush spread across her high cheekbones. But his effect on her was too strong. Her hands fluttering helplessly at her breast, eyes welling with tears, she asked in a small voice choked with emotion…”Are you ever…able to take a minute…to read? Do…you…ever have a…moment?”

Erin knew she was having a moment like no other in her life.

His strong steady gaze never wavered, and that melodious voice was like cool, soothing water on her jangled nerves.

“I have such moments,” Volodymyr declared and her suddenly joyful heart sang.

Overcome with emotion, almost faint from the thrilling frisson his response had provoked, Erin looked away. Her ragged breathe caught in her throat.

But she knew she had to gather herself. She’d worked too hard to get this far. She was a journalist, doing her job, no matter what conflicting, tormented feelings were roiling inside her. 

She steeled herself for the question she alone could ask. Haltingly, as her eyes locked into the fathomless, pain-filled pools boring like augers into her own, her hushed voice plaintively broke the pregnant silence between them…

“Do you…ever wish…you…were a cloud?”

Okay. I made that last line up. 

Really…I did.

Could you tell?

Watch the “interview” set to the theme from Romeo and Juliet. You’ll just die, I swear.

And I’m ded.

I guess so is “journalism.”



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