UNSEEMLY photos of female staff and a demonstration at the wrong address . . . it’s been a busy week at Rayner’s Lane, the school that puts the teachers first.
Picture not perfect
Like many schools, Rayner’s Lane has seen its fair share of pranks and japes over the years. Mischievous pupils and occasionally staff have provided laughs and amusement that have helped enliven the dry daily curriculum.
Mr Starmer himself is widely known to have a highly developed sense of humour and enjoys a well thought out practical joke as much as the next man. Yet caution is required to ensure that antics do not cross the boundary and become cruel or divisive.
In days gone by, boys and girls seeking items such as X-ray specs, stink bombs and handshake buzzers needed to look no further than A Complete Joke, the novelty store on the High Street run by the engaging Mrs May – or ‘Maybo’tas she was affectionately known by customers. Stocking a vast selection of goods – including many popular European tricks and sleight of hand board games, it was the go-to destination for young scamps.
Sadly, like many bricks and mortar businesses, A Complete Joke fell victim to a combination of factors, not least the trend to purchase goods online and regrettably closed its doors for the last time a few years ago.
The school has been aware for some time that boys have searched and purchased online at a popular American site called Elon’s Electronic Emporium, offering a large choice of oddities and amusements – with a focus, unsurprisingly on AI-themed merchandise.
One that has caused something of a stir and caught the attention of Ms Kendall, who leads the sixth form Technology Studies group, is an algorithm-based photo manipulation programme called Grot. This is a word that in everyday currency is associated with something that is rubbish or dirty, yet this is in fact a far more troubling innovation.
Older pupils might fondly recall some amusing photo montages from yesteryear such as Mr Kinnock appearing to fall over on Brighton beach or perhaps Mr Blair and Mr Brown looking as though they were enjoying a scrumptious 99 ice cream together.
These images were obviously manufactured but were humorous without being offensive. We could all appreciate and laugh at the ludicrousness depicted. In a similar vein of hilarity, who can forget the absurd representation of Mr Starmer and deputy (now disgraced) head Ms Rayner seemingly kneeling side by side in the Headmaster’s study for no apparent reason. All these snaps shared one thing, they poked fun at school life, and we all enjoyed laughing with the subjects – not at them.
Sadly, as with many imported things from the USA, Grot has a very dark side and can be utilised to produce deeply upsetting representations of members of staff.
Mr Lammy, our popular geography teacher, took umbrage at a tableau showing him clutching the Mastermind trophy, whilst the Bursar was seen dressed as a customer care assistant for a local building society – complete with name badge. Even Mr Starmer wasn’t spared, ridiculously attired in army fatigues addressing soldiers.
While perhaps some might see these as trivial issues, there have been other sophisticated pictures circulating on school premises which have been manufactured using a Grot programme called Nudify.
Some well-known female members of staff have been targeted, and images of them in bikinis or underwear have been seen by various teachers. It would be unseemly to name those who have been so represented, but an individual exposed to several Nudify snaps described the photographs as being ‘extremely disturbing’ and was so traumatised that he had to seek counselling.
The Headmaster has cracked down immediately and directed that any pupil found to have used this technology will be expelled. You have been warned.
Thanks and sorry!
A huge thank you to all the boys and girls who responded to Mr Lammy’s call to form a human shield to stop the Greenland College from being taken under the umbrella of Mr Trump’s MAGA Academy empire. This well-intentioned demonstration sadly misunderstood where the Greenland College was located and our placard carrying pupils found themselves remonstrating with some bemused shoppers outside the frozen food store Iceland on the High Street.
Mr Lammy realises his mistake and has apologised to all concerned. By way of atonement, he has supplied the following witticism.
Why does Greenland have so many trees? Because they keep getting lost in the snow!
Finally,
Please note that the start of Digital ID term has been postponed,
