THE collapse of family identity in modern society is not merely another social trend: it is a fundamental cause of our cultural disintegration. From digital tribes to ideological extremism, the repercussions are pervasive.
As a father of nine, I have witnessed first-hand how the erosion of family bonds leaves children feeling rootless and vulnerable, prompting them to seek belonging in artificial communities. The stakes could not be higher: without strong families, civil society itself begins to deteriorate.
In our household, family rituals – simple acts such as preparing dinner at the same time each evening – have become the cornerstone of our togetherness. These moments, though they may seem mundane, embody what philosopher Roger Scruton described as the creation of our ‘first-person plural’ – the ‘we’ that unites families through shared experiences and mutual understanding.
Yet over the past 25 years I have observed a troubling shift. The systematic erosion of family bonds has created a void that children are now desperately trying to fill. Where they once found a sense of belonging within the family unit, they now turn to digital communities and ideological movements, seeking the connection and identity that family life once provided.
This shift is not merely a change in habits; it represents a profound cultural loss with far-reaching consequences. When family bonds weaken, we lose more than just domestic harmony: we lose the foundational unit of society that serves as our first school of social affection. It is within families that we learn to belong to something larger than ourselves, navigate the complexities of relationships, and cultivate the virtues of loyalty, duty and love. Without this foundation, the very fabric of civil society begins to unravel.
The decline of family rituals
The erosion of family identity creates a vacuum that cannot remain unfilled. Children have an inherent need for belonging – a sense of membership that shapes their identity. However, where they once found this naturally within the family unit, they now seek it elsewhere.
Throughout history, families have evolved and adapted, yet the fundamental need for belonging has remained constant. What has changed is the speed and scale of this erosion, driven by technologies and social changes that actively discourage family cohesion.
A 2020 review published in the journal Appetite reported that only about 30 per cent of families with children ate dinner together every night. Notably, during the pandemic, a 2021 study found that 60 per cent of parents reported more frequent family meals, highlighting how family bonds can strengthen when modern distractions are removed. However, this temporary revival has largely receded as old patterns reassert themselves, underscoring the need for a cultural shift back toward family-centric living.
The decline of family rituals such as shared meals, storytelling and holiday traditions has left children feeling unanchored and vulnerable. Without the stabilising influence of family identity, they are increasingly seeking a sense of belonging in digital communities and ideological movements.
The rise of digital substitutes
What makes digital tribes particularly insidious is that they provide what Scruton referred to as a ‘simulacrum’ of belonging: an illusion of community without its true substance.
Unlike familial bonds, which require reciprocal obligations and teach us how to navigate authentic relationships, digital connections enable us to curate our interactions, allowing us to sidestep the very friction that fosters character development and genuine understanding. This superficial sense of belonging renders young people especially susceptible to ideological manipulation.
On social media platforms, children construct artificial identities and seek validation from strangers rather than exploring their roles within family narratives. These virtual communities promise a sense of belonging while offering only superficial connections: likes and shares substitute for genuine understanding and mutual obligation.
Consider how this unfolds in the UK’s digital landscape, where discussions about digital identity have gained prominence. The House of Commons roundtable on digital IDs envisions a future in which identity may become increasingly digitised, potentially diminishing the role of family in shaping an individual’s sense of self. This situation underscores a significant tension between the drive for technological advancement and the need to preserve traditional community structures.
Impact on mental health and society
The data confirms the existence of this crisis. Children and adolescents spending more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of mental health problems, including symptoms of depression, a statistic that underscores the emotional toll of digital interactions compared with family connections. In contrast, individuals who report strong family relationships exhibit significantly lower rates of anxiety and depression.
The Burkean perspective: Family as the foundation of society
A nation isn’t just an aggregate of isolated individuals. It’s a living inheritance. Edmund Burke called it ‘little platoons’ – families, parishes and local associations united by shared customs and mutual affection.
These communities are the fertile ground for our public virtues. They serve as the essential mediators between the citizen and the state. Here, we learn more than contractual obligations. We learn about deeper bonds of belonging. These bonds make civic life possible.
When these little platoons weaken, our civic fabric unravels. We see increasing polarisation. Civic engagement declines. Artificial communities emerge, offering a simulacrum of belonging without genuine obligation or duty.
To Burke, and later to Scruton, the family is not just another community. It’s the foundational unit of civil society. It’s the first school of duty, loyalty and love.
The systematic undermining
This transformation reflects Burke’s concerns: the intentional erosion of organic social bonds in favour of artificial connections that cater to commercial and political interests. Various forces in modern society actively strive to undermine family ties, recognising that rootless individuals are more effective consumers and more compliant citizens. The attack on family identity is both systematic and lucrative.
The economic pressures undermining family life exemplify what Scruton referred to as the ‘tyranny of the present’—the sacrifice of enduring social institutions for short-term market efficiency.
When both parents are compelled to work to sustain basic living standards, we forfeit what Burke recognised as the ‘partnership not only between those who are living, but between those who are living, those who are dead, and those who are to be born’. The transmission of family culture requires time – time that economic pressures increasingly deny us.
In the UK, the economic strain has been exacerbated by the housing crisis, making family-sized homes increasingly unaffordable, particularly in areas with established communities and good schools.
This situation is further complicated by the substantial immigration the country has experienced in recent years. The influx of new residents has heightened the demand for housing, driving up prices and contributing to a shortage of affordable options for families.
This dynamic not only impacts housing affordability but also has significant implications for community stability. The rapid transformation of neighbourhoods due to population changes disrupts the organic bonds that Burke identified as essential for societal cohesion.
When families struggle to afford homes in communities where they can establish roots, they forfeit the local networks that traditionally support family life – neighbours, schools, churches and local traditions. This situation undermines the concept of community stability, indicating that policy must address housing issues in conjunction with cultural values to genuinely support family life.
Failing to tackle both the economic pressures and the social integration of new residents risks unravelling the very fabric of family identity, which depends on a sense of place and community. The challenge is not merely quantitative; it is essential to ensure that population growth does not occur at the expense of the familial and communal bonds that are crucial for raising children with a strong sense of belonging.
Building resilience
What else can we do to address this crisis? Restoring family identity requires action across multiple sectors. Workplace reforms must recognise employees not as interchangeable units but as integral members of families.
The housing crisis demands policies that empower families to thrive on single incomes, allowing more time for the nurturing of family life.
Educational approaches should respect and reinforce, rather than undermine, family bonds.
But the most essential changes must take place within families themselves. Parents and caregivers, whether single, co-parenting, or part of an extended family, must resist the temptation to delegate family life to devices and institutions. This involves establishing clear family rhythms – regular meals, shared activities and consistent traditions – that promote a genuine sense of belonging.
Additionally, it is important to address children’s questions and concerns before they seek answers elsewhere.
The stakes for society
The irony of our current situation should not be overlooked. In an age preoccupied with ‘identity,’ we’ve systematically undermined its most natural source. While corporations and ideologues offer countless methods to ‘discover who you are’, we’ve weakened the very institution that has traditionally provided authentic identity without the need for performance or purchase.
In a world where ‘finding yourself’ is a multi-billion-dollar industry, we have forgotten that identity is not something that can be bought or performed; rather, it is something we inherit and cultivate within our families.
Yet there is reason for hope. The very intensity of these substitute identities reflects a profound yearning for what family inherently provides. Young people are not rejecting the concept of belonging: rather, they are fervently seeking it. The artificial communities and ideological movements gaining traction today are essentially attempting to replicate the sense of identity and belonging that functional families have always offered.
The collapse of family identity is not merely a personal tragedy; it is a societal emergency. As digital tribes and ideological movements fill the void left by weakening family bonds, the consequences ripple through every aspect of our lives, impacting mental health and political stability.
Rebuilding strong families is not a nostalgic fantasy: it is a practical necessity for a society on the brink. The future of our nation hinges on recognising this crisis and fostering the conditions for strong family bonds to flourish once more.
