IT WAS with delight that we welcomed our Bursar Ms Reeves back from her hugely successful visit to the Beijing Academy. In keeping with Chinese tradition, upon departure she was presented with a bag containing some trinkets as a memento of her stay. The jamboree bag contained one sherbet flying saucer, a foam shrimp and a fruit-salad chew. The novelty plastic toy was, unusually, a scale model of an elevated temperature gas-cooled nuclear reactor. The gift demonstrated her host’s generosity and admiration for her.
Career Moves
Sixth Formers are usually, and quite naturally, undecided about which direction their lives should take. Rayner’s Lane prides itself on giving expert guidance at this crucial juncture. With a team of highly experienced tutors to call on, we are well positioned to advise pupils on the merits of learning a trade or, for the more academically minded, applying to university. Some might look at a degree in PPE, while others might opt for the more challenging Media Studies or Theatre Arts route.
Recently Ms Siddiq, the school’s Ethics Czar, gave a well-received talk on the theme ‘Leveraging family connections’. It was a great shame that after delivering such a riveting discourse she felt obliged to stand down from the staff. Owing to the abruptness of her departure there was regrettably no time to organise a collection or arrange drinks. She has asked, via the school magazine, if we could publish her two forwarding addresses should anyone want to send a good luck card. We are happy to accommodate this request:
a) The Penthouse, 1 Pall Mall, London W1
b) ‘Le compte en banque de ma tante’, rue de Famille 1, Paris
Not surprisingly, Ms Reeves’s high-profile trip has provoked a great deal of interest from pupils thinking of economics as a possible career path. So, despite jet lag, Ms Reeves gave an engrossing presentation on the subject ‘Economics – a fruitful career’. Pupils of all ages sat entranced as she talked passionately about how a lack of qualifications is no bar to career advancement.
The lively Q&A following the presentation was an opportunity for the Bursar to showcase her mastery of her subject, effortlessly fielding several tricky questions, a selection of which follow.
Q: How is it possible to provide causal explanations using mathematical economics?
Ms Reeves: Would you like the money in tens or twenties?
Q: Is there an equivalent of Black-Scholes for futures contract pricing?
Ms Reeves: Would you like one lump of sugar or two?
Technology matters
Rayner’s Lane has always been keen to embrace technology, putting it to good use in benefiting both the school and pupils. The ground source heat pumps that keep the classrooms at a toasty 16 degrees are but one example.
Parents might have heard the expression Artificial Intelligence bandied around recently. While some incorrectly believed this to be connected to our talented Geography teacher Mr Lammy, it is in fact a subject that the Headmaster himself is passionate about. Here he kindly takes time out from his hectic schedule to give a flavour of what is instore.
‘There are, I know individuals for whom operating a microwave can be a daunting task. Yet I have recently been apprised of something called artificial intelligence, an advance in science that is truly unbelievable, and will transform the school.
‘Imagine a school, where quite literally pupils can complete exams simply by pressing a button, a school where you can order your lunch just by thinking of it, a school where you can complete your PE lesson while sitting in a chair or, perhaps most usefully, a school where you can end up in detention just by thinking the wrong thing.
‘These are just some of the exciting possibilities that lie ahead if we embrace change and deliver a different society, a society that recognises . . .’
Due to constraints on space, we have had to cut the Headmaster’s comments short. Thank you, Headmaster.
We have, as parents, pupils and staff know, the best interests of everyone paramount in our mind no one will deflect us from working to achieve great things.*
Islands in the stream
No, not the delightful Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton collaboration, but an odd bit of territory that the school owns. Quite how we came to be custodians of the Thornberry Islands,a guano-spattered and unattractive rocky outcrop in the Indian Ocean, is lost in the mists of time.
While we allowed the now discredited BoJo Academy’s CCF Troop to utilise it for training purposes, we also permitted the Aged Democrats’ Academy in Washington to carry out similar drills.
However, Rayner’s Lane has been eager to dispose of this liability, and that opportunity has now arisen. What a pity that the BoJo Academy’s Ms Badenoch has decided to make an embarrassing spectacle of herself by suggesting that in some way Rayner’s Lane are making a mistake by offloading this burden in exchange for a trifling £9billion token payment.
*Written by AI
