A TEACHER from California has been arrested after shots were fired at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner where President Trump was guest of honour early today. The President and his wife were unhurt; one Secret Service agent was shot at close range but was saved by his bullet-proof vest. You can read about developments here. Meanwhile . . .
MAINSTREAM media and politicians throughout the Western world who insist on calling Trump a fascist, a dictator, a threat to democracy, and literally Hitler, declared a three-hour moratorium on insulting him before they raced to try to escape any responsibility.
‘Our thoughts and prayers go out to President Trump and his family while we write an article claiming the assassin is a Republican and it’s actually Trump’s fault,’ announced the BBC. ‘Our viewers should be reassured that we ARE doctoring footage.’
‘Violence has no place in politics when it fails,’ Ed Davey, leader of Britain’s Liberal Democrats intoned.
Religious leaders condemned the rise of populism and white supremacy that fuels such attacks.
‘We must have unity, Christian compassion even for those who don’t deserve it, and come together in kindness. He who lives by the sword dies by the sword at some point,’ Pope Leo wisely reflected.
‘Where is this violence coming from?’ wailed the Associated Press. The news agency issued a statement reminding people that assassinations should be attempted only in settings where misses, ricochets and other deaths could not possibly include any of their journalists. ‘A Correspondents’ Dinner is simply not the place for this sort of thing.’
‘I think every Democrat like me is thinking long and hard about how we get this violence out of American politics. Folks, if one of these attacks succeeds that should do it,’ Barack Obama offered, to applause regarding his statesmanlike demeanour.
Millions reflected on how this sort of thing didn’t happen when Obama was in office and that such terrible violence only emerged when Trump divided us by insisting that electoral changes of which party is in power allow different policies to be enacted.
Sir Keir Starmer declared: ‘I think everyone is just very sad after this failed assassination attempt. We have no idea where this violence is coming from, although of course President Trump really needs to think about why people hate him this much and stop using divisive rhetoric. We have formed a Coalition of the Willing plan for how all this stops if he would simply listen and move forward. Sadly nothing seems to get through him . . . I mean, through TO him, of course.’
NOTE: Obviously I’m being ridiculously optimistic here about the three-hour pause. That bit is satire. The rest has been verified by fact checkers.
This article appeared in Jupplandia on April 26, 2026, and is republished by kind permission.
