SADNESS, grit and humour: just three of the many emotions that were on display at Rayner’s Lane as Mr Starmer announced his unexpected resignation. When he was drafted in two years ago, he was a favourite with both parents and pupils and his background augured well for improving the standing of our illustrious academy.
However due to several occurrences outside his control, it quickly became abundantly transparent that in fact Mr Starmer was simply ‘out of his depth’, as one teacher who asked to remain anonymous stated.
A noted disciplinarian, who had detention very much front and centre of his credo, he aimed to restore a modicum of common sense to a school which had, by universal agreement, lost its way.
Pupil safety and mental well-being were also core to every decision made, and while some of the younger students found fault with this, it was the parents who ultimately endorsed his strictures.
His timely ban on fashionable social media sites such as flip-flop, u-turn, about-face, backtrack and reverse ferret was made with the best of intentions, as was his crackdown on well-known portals such as Nigel’s Nuggets and Rupert’s Runes, websites that systematically peddle misinformation.
Yet Mr Starmer unquestionably cut a contrarian figure in the world of education. Some found him a great raconteur, gifted leader and communicator, always willing to throw in his all for the better good – best evinced by his agreeing to the staff room proposal that he should take the leading role in the school’s staging of Wall-E, a comic take on the 2008 animated Pixar movie.
Other observers however complained of a lacklustre and robotic bore who had the charisma of an empty pot noodle carton. Whatever side of the fence you might sit, it is only correct that everyone in and out of Rayner’s Lane reflect on a legacy that will be talked about for the next week or two.
While unable to confirm the appointment of a successor, the talk is that Mr Burnham, a teacher associated previously with Rayner’s Lane, whose penchant for black T-shirts and stylish spectacles mark him out as potentially a truly great headmaster, would undoubtedly be an admirable acquisition. However such a prestigious post is likely to attract multiple applications from the many well-qualified individuals within the teaching cadre. Ms Reeves, Ms Mahmood, Mr Streeting, Mr Miliband, Ms Cooper, Ms Nandy and Ms Phillipson are but a small selection of hugely competent individuals who have quietly distinguished themselves in their subjects, anyone of whom would make a splendid and justifiable replacement.
Teachers both past and present were quick to express their sadness at the news of Mr Starmer’s departure.
Head of Climate Studies Mr Miliband best summed up the prevailing mood when he said: ‘Keir has been a colossal disappointment since assuming his role. He had a once in a lifetime opportunity to make Rayner’s Lane a totally carbon neutral establishment but squandered this chance by his timid and spineless acquiescence to ill-informed siren voices whispering in his ear.’
Ms Rayner, former supply teacher and outbound adventure co-ordinator, struck a more conciliatory note. She said: ‘He’s a disaster and everyone knew he wasn’t up to the job. God only knows why the board of governors plumped for such a dreary, dull, talentless and universally unpopular . . .’
Sadly, before she was able to extemporise further, the phone line was disconnected.
Befitting his determination to oversee an orderly handover, Mr Starmer has kindly agreed to stay on in his post until a successor is appointed.
Mr Alli, a long-standing friend of the Headmaster, will shortly be arranging a ‘whip round’ and we would ask that everyone digs deep and donates generously so that we can purchase a suitable gift that reflects the deep gratitude and affection in which Mr Starmer is held.
