As I have mentioned a few times, I was born in 1964, which unfortunately means I will turn 60 this year.
While I have yet to succumb to feeling old–despite the fact that the last time I got a haircut, the stylist asked if I qualified for a senior discount–I have noticed that others around me have somehow gotten a bit ragged around the edges.
This is actually a bigger problem for them than for me since I never was a heartthrob or considered a babe.
The only reason I am thinking about this right now is that I just read that one of my teen crushes–Paulina Porizkova–is getting a double hip replacement.
Yikes. She still looks amazing to me, but to somebody much younger, she might not stand out as being among the most beautiful women in the world.
Phoebe Cates still blows my mind, but I suspect that is at least partly due to her being one of the girls of my dreams in High School.
Cates is one year older than me, making her 60 right now. I still have a crush on her and would fight Kevin Kline for her affections were I not married (I am pretty sure I could woo her away as the most charming short, fat and balding guy she ever met), but I suspect a guy in his 30s would call her a “handsome” woman who was well-preserved.
Geez, time is cruel.
One of the few benefits of getting older as a man is learning to appreciate women as more than objects to lust after, and, ironically, to see beauty in a much wider range of ages. And by that I don’t just mean seeing “inner beauty”–I mean the old-fashioned, young man driven by hormones kind of gaze that characterized my adolescence.
Yes, there are women in their 60s who I think of as beautiful, and that would have been impossible to imagine when I was in my teens or even 20s.
When I was young I thought of women my age as simply old, and the conceit of youth in America is that younger is always better. When I thought of women in their 60s I thought they were all Aunt Tessie:
One of the funniest ways that people talk about the moving goalpost of age is the “Brimley/Cocoon line,” which is when somebody reaches the same age as Wilford Brimley when he was in the movie Cocoon.
Brimley played an old man in that movie, but he was only 50 years old when it was released–which means I am 10 years past the Brimley/Cocoon line, and I definitely am not old.
I wish I could say that with age I have acquired wisdom, but it is truer to say that I have acquired cynicism more than wisdom. I still haven’t found the secret to life–what I have found is that many of the “secrets” others are selling to younger folks are bogus and harmful.
At least I can take solace in making fun of those “solutions” to life’s problems. That is why God invented memes.
Best of the Babylon Bee
Airlines Offering $100 Upgrade Where You’re Guaranteed An Old Male Pilot Named Steve https://t.co/ID7T48962h pic.twitter.com/RBHU2rLX3H
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 28, 2024
Trump Announces New ‘Trump On Trial’ NFT On Sale For $83.3 Million https://t.co/QbvkvrSXst pic.twitter.com/fF31miSMl1
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 27, 2024
Texan Has Been Waiting For This Moment His Whole Life https://t.co/askn1vOCSq pic.twitter.com/nBTpXJdJPC
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 27, 2024
Oakland In-N-Out Relocating To Safer Location In Gaza https://t.co/n0vCw61W8g pic.twitter.com/C4MmnVaplX
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 27, 2024
Court Orders Texas Razor Wire Moved To Ukraine Border https://t.co/udEohaZ9Le pic.twitter.com/9WyX0ZGTvX
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 27, 2024
Tragic Report Reveals Thousands of Journalists Still Have Not Been Laid Off https://t.co/pER5bLFbjr pic.twitter.com/0Vj5W1qA2X
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 27, 2024
Supreme Court Rules It’s Illegal For National Guard To Guard Nation https://t.co/CdpcqLiPkC pic.twitter.com/qmgIIw1ZlO
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 27, 2024
DeSantis Says He Will Try Running Again When He’s A Senile 75-Year-Old https://t.co/XJCsrSy2gk pic.twitter.com/4MBkbXrICl
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 27, 2024
New York City Hall Replaces Thomas Jefferson Statue With Golden Statue Of Lizzo https://t.co/dayDsJgAKS pic.twitter.com/zpviMLWdC0
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 26, 2024
Texas Finds Loophole With New ‘Super Ouchy Pokey Wire’ https://t.co/DNLEIPfBgZ pic.twitter.com/WsLFNk8Wlv
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 26, 2024
Biden Finally Visits ‘On The Border’ To See Crisis Everyone’s Talking About https://t.co/nx3OvzbHwp pic.twitter.com/EXCUY7c88F
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 26, 2024
9 Warning Signs Your Child Is Cisgender https://t.co/jlha3eEBZq pic.twitter.com/7CxjkrWgTJ
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 26, 2024
Biden, Abbott To Face Off In Wheelchair Joust To The Death https://t.co/ornh3Npm0A pic.twitter.com/yNQSweECTx
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 25, 2024
The Cute Stuff
If you aren’t playing soccer golf with your cat then are you really living? 😎 pic.twitter.com/s24gwF0JtI
— Spill The Memes (@SpillTheMemes) January 27, 2024
Inseparable frens..🐈🐾☺️ pic.twitter.com/MKTxC1rtAP
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 25, 2024
mommy cat is so cute 🥰 pic.twitter.com/cx58GsXDZj
— cutest cats (@cutestscats) January 25, 2024
Had a ruff day..🐕🐾💤😅🔊🆙 pic.twitter.com/ajKqm4Gu4z
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 25, 2024
“I’m a happy, happy dog” 😅 pic.twitter.com/4RH19ioOIg
— Nature is Amazing ☘️ (@AMAZlNGNATURE) January 22, 2024
What about the duck? pic.twitter.com/1h6dzJdOxS
— Nature is Amazing ☘️ (@AMAZlNGNATURE) January 28, 2024
Weekend mood..🐈🐾😅 pic.twitter.com/bn5Qoa65Un
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 28, 2024
Good boy Buddy and his sister know how to party..🐕🐾🎹👶🥰@buddymercurydog pic.twitter.com/WndveLoXe4
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 27, 2024
What happens when you take a break at animal rescue centre..🐾❤️
📹saramorocco pic.twitter.com/x9eHQIUxim
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 26, 2024
Cat brings all her kittens every night to her human’s bed as a sign of trust..🐈🐾❤️ pic.twitter.com/ZYTJNkpvWt
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 26, 2024
Kitten asks for more belly rubs..🐈🐾☺️ pic.twitter.com/Ao8utdTmuA
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 26, 2024
Skills..🐕😅 pic.twitter.com/rlgHIqcsL8
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 26, 2024
When your favorite TV show is about to start..🐕💨📺😅 pic.twitter.com/B4qEJFMAvL
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 25, 2024
There are two types of cats..🐈🐾😅 pic.twitter.com/rijxJTiZct
— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) January 25, 2024
And Finally, a Must Watch
Biden’s Long-Lost Western! Featuring @AwakenWithJP pic.twitter.com/LEyXFdevLz
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 25, 2024